I pulled up to the house, opened the lockbox, and stepped inside. Instantly, I got that feeling. You know the one—like I’d just walked into the set of a low-budget horror flick. The kind where the protagonist (me) ignores all the obvious warning signs, only to find themselves in way over their head.
But whatever. I’m a professional.
I made my way toward the kitchen, and that’s when I saw it—the stairwell.
Listen, stairs are a part of the job. I get it. But these stairs? They were built different. Normally, you get a nice landing or a gradual turn. Something manageable. Not this one. This stairwell was disrespectful. It turned at an angle so sharp it felt like a personal attack.
I sighed. I knew what was coming.
Me vs. The Machine
See, I use a portable carpet cleaning machine, and that thing isn’t exactly light. Getting it up a normal set of stairs is already a workout. But this? This was WWE SmackDown.
For the next 20 minutes, I wrestled that machine up the staircase like I was trying to pull off a finishing move. There was grunting. There was sweating. I’m pretty sure at one point, I had it in a choke slam. If someone had walked in at that moment, they might have called for backup—either for me or for the machine.
By the time I reached the top, I was exhausted. And I hadn’t even started yet.
Stage 4 Carpet Diagnosis
Finally, I looked at the carpet.
Oh, man.
This wasn’t just dirty. It was terminal.
I’ve seen bad carpets before, but this one? This was Stage 4. No chance of survival. The best I could do was ease its suffering.
That’s when I realized what this job had become: Carpet Hospice.
I wasn’t here to perform miracles. I wasn’t here to save it. I was here to give it some dignity in its final days—to make it look less like a crime scene and more like something that once had a decent life before the investors came in to put it out of its misery.
And that’s exactly what I did. By the end, the carpet looked better. Not great, not even good—but better. It had a little more pride, a little more self-respect. And that’s all we could ask for at this point.
The real estate agent was impressed. Mission accomplished.
Final Thoughts
Some carpet jobs are about restoration. Others are about acceptance. This one? This was about respect.
And you know what? If it means getting more work from my favorite type of client, I’ll wrestle that machine up the world’s worst staircase all over again.
Because at the end of the day, we all deserve a little dignity—carpets included.